Let us just pretend everything is normal…

Hello again world,

I’ve spent the last few months trying to focus on figuring out who I am… as most of you know. It is said to be a hard process after losing a close family member. As some of you know I have lost 3 very close and special people in two months. Taking care of others and devoting my time to helping my family has always been a big part of what defines me… being the most dependable, dropping everything, working hard, etc. Having this new world view should give me time to focus inwardly… on the things I had never had a chance to take the time on. Still, I do not feel like I am there yet. I have not even returned to my usual self, my sewing machine or unpacking the rest of this seasons clothes…

It is said that this period of shock should end soon… as if at any time I could wake up from this foggy mess that has been muddled in my brain for the last few months; however, I think it is more than just a “healing” process. How do I define my priorities now?

1) Family first… albeit it is just Mr. Wonderful and I right now, I am learning to say “no” when before I would have said “yes” to random side projects that would eat up our small amount of time together. Why yes, I do love spending time with Mr. Wonderful even when we are doing nothing. This also means I have to take time to be with me and do the little crafty things that make me happy.

2) Extended family… his parents, my parents, siblings, the cousins and friends so close they are family. They are important as well. I try my darnedest to do something every now and then for everyone… a bit overwhelming at times, but we do love them all and they are worth it.

3) Work… sometimes this ties in with #1… we both have to work to keep the bills paid and to save towards the future.

Can I really only categorize priorities into three groups? I’m going to right now. Of course there are subgroups and intermixing between some of the categories. Though, Mr. Wonderful comes first… always… even when he does not like my cooking.

In the end, I am still the same clumsy “secret” agent I’ve always been, just with a little bit heavier of a heart than I am used to carrying around.



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